Starting a relationship with a therapist is such an act of faith.  You are trusting the therapist to listen deeply to you, to care about you and your life, to have the tools to help you heal, grow and to develop new ways of being.  It takes a lot of courage to start.

I have repeatedly witnessed the mysterious power of how being fully seen and accepted by another gives us the courage to look within and start the radical work of wholly accepting ourselves.  As Humanist Psychologist Carl Rogers famously noted, “the curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I am able to change.”  While individual therapy is very unique to each client, the quality of openness, heart and curiosity I strive to bring to the work is always the same.

My approach is highly relational, and I often focus on the here-and-now (what is happening between us) which leads to greater understanding about past hurts.  My orientation is also Psychodynamic, an approach that entails listening to and observing the unconscious—in the form of behaviors you compulsively engage in, thoughts that repeatedly “bother you”, feelings you don’t understand, as well as your dreams, fantasies, and physical symptoms—and sharing my observations with you. Together, we engage in a dialogue with the body, the psyche and the soul.

If this approach resonates with you, or if you have further questions about pursuing therapy at this time, I’m happy to connect by phone and see if we might be a fit.

Whether your relationship is just getting started, approaching a new season (such as marriage, moving to a new place, starting a family, debating having a family, kids leaving for college, aging parents)—or at a breaking point (contemplating divorce or separation), couples therapy is usually a good idea. You will either learn new skills that enable you to connect more deeply with your partner and find greater love, joy and fulfillment, or (and this is, of course, how some couples therapy goes) you will discover that the love you want is not possible in your current relationship.  You and your partner can then make choices based on your knowledge of what is or is not available, and know that you’ve given it your all.

My work with couples is informed by training I’ve pursued in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), as well as Imago Therapy, the work of John and Julie Gottman, and Marshall Rosenberg’s Non-Violent Communication methods.  I use humor in my work, and my style is engaged, supportive and nonjudgemental.

If you would like to set up an initial consult call (to assess for fit and see if our schedules align) you can call or email me directly (note: both partners do not need to be present for this call).

In some instances, Family Therapy is truly the royal road to healing mental health struggles.  Coming in as a family unit sends a powerful message: “We are not going to therapy because there is “something wrong” with you, we are all going to therapy because our family as a whole needs support and help.” This can help to de-pathologize therapy for the person who is most blatantly in struggle, and send a message of love and unity that helps that person feel deeply cared for and important to those they love most.

When I work with families, I practice Family Systems Therapy (FST), which views the current “problem” from a holistic standpoint, meaning everyone is contributing and participating in what is unfolding in the family in implicit and explicit ways.  This approach draws on the strengths, talents and wisdom of each family member, regardless of age, to creatively address family issues and create new roadways for change.

It is an important, core feature of family therapy that the therapist “belongs” equally to all family members: the goal of the treatment is the well-being of the family as a whole.  For this reason, the first few sessions will always entail the entire family being present.  Future sessions, however, can look a multitude of different ways: I may see the parents in a couple’s session, or the kids together without the parents, or work with someone in the family individually, depending on what would be most supportive to creating positive change in the family system.

Family therapy is not always indicated as the correct treatment modality—various factors such as the age of the children, marital status, individual traumas and level of family conflict can all point towards individual or couples work as a more suitable unit of treatment—so please feel free to ask me for feedback or guidance during our initial phone consult about whether family therapy is right for you.

I have extensive experience treating teens and was a primary referral source for Midland boarding school in the Santa Ynez Valley from 2016-2022.  I have worked with teen clients from almost every public and private high school in Santa Barbara County and bring a wealth of insight and knowledge to my supportive work with clients in this age group.

I specialize in helping teen clients with low self-esteem, relationship struggles with friends and family, self-harm, and academic difficulties. Using a blend of respectful inquiry, humor, and empathy, I find I’m able to connect with young adults on a deep level and empower them to take action to improve their lives and relationships.

Curious if I would be a good fit for your teen? I offer complementary initial parent consults to discuss whether individual or family therapy would be the proper clinical approach for your child, and to explain in detail how I handle boundaries and confidentiality with teen clients.  Please allow 30-45 minutes for this call.  I will also provide referrals if I feel your teen’s struggles require a higher level of care or are outside of my scope of practice (for example, severe eating disorders or high-risk suicidality).

I find tremendous joy in working with teenagers (they are so smart, so funny, so real) and it’s an honor to have parents’ trust to support kids during this harrowing phase of life.

Are you or your partner craving specialized support around parenting struggles?  Whether grappling with the big feelings of toddlers or the complexities of raising teenagers, sometimes the challenges of parenting truly take center stage in our lives and require a space all their own.  I am aligned with the core tenants of Attachment Style Parenting and my coaching work is largely informed by the work of Patty Wipfler at Hand in Hand Parenting.

I believe our children’s distress and troubling behaviors present us with the opportunity to heal our own emotional wounds from childhood (whether we want to or not!), and often in the most urgent and impossible-feeling ways.  In parent coaching sessions, I offer a blend of psychoeducation and therapeutic inquiry to help parents identify and address their own emotional triggers.  In so doing, intergenerational patterns of trauma can be healed in the here-and-now with our own children.

I offer strategies for re-framing how you interpret your kids’ behavior, for modeling self-compassion in the moments where you “get it wrong”, and for repairing family ruptures.  More than anything, having a safe space to share openly about how hard it is to parent is healing and transformative, enabling you to return to your kids with more presence and love.

I facilitate a Women’s Experiential Growth Group in my practice. The group is a blend of supportive therapy and interpersonal process, with the goal being long-term work that supports the deepening of relationships and forming community.

The group is closed, meaning it is capped at 6 members.  While each series is technically 12-weeks long, each cycle leads into the next, so the group is essentially ongoing.

My style is relational and experiential, and I emphasize creating connections in group that allow members to experiment and play with how they show up in relationship to others.

Please reach out if you’d like to inquire about group openings or add your name to a waitlist.  I am happy to answer questions about group format and style, or to help assess whether group work would be the right fit for your personal therapeutic goals at this time.

I am in the process of adding new Associates to my private practice and am currently accepting applications from AMFT’s who are interested in gaining hours in a private practice setting.  All applicants must have already completed a minimum of 800 client hours and be able to meet in-person with clients at my Santa Barbara office. Additionally, applicants must be willing to carry a minimum caseload of 10 clients and learn to manage their own administrative tasks (scheduling clients, timely billing and progress notes). 

To request an interview, please email me at daniellenorlinger@gmail.com.  Attach a copy of your resume and two solid professional references.